Changes

Hi friends! Notice anything different? I went ahead and made the changes I discussed in my previous post. Unfortunately, because I changed my URL all of bloglovin' followers are gone :(. It's fine though, hopefully after reading this post most of you will click that little button down below and I'll be back to where I was in no time!

I'm excited about the changes! It feels like a clean slate. My biggest challenge will be consistency and confidence. I know I'll get there eventually.

As far as updates go, I've started physical therapy again! I've been going twice a week for a few weeks now and I'm loving it so far! Don't get me wrong, it's hard and painful but I know it has to be like this before I start seeing results. I'm hoping to get in some aqua therapy classes too! It's all so exciting! For the first time in a long time it feels like things are moving in the right direction.

If you follow me on social media then you know that my Dad has cancer. Since his diagnosis we've had our ups and downs with his care but he's finally in an amazing facility and getting the care he needs. I have so much going on with my own care but somehow I've managed to care for him as well as myself, thanks to the support of family. Dad and I got so lucky. :)

I have been very busy with all of our appointments lately but I still manage to spend time with family and friends when I can. My cousin is getting married in a couple weeks and I'm so looking forward to the wedding and seeing all of my family from near and far again. Sooner than that I'll be going to Passover dinner at my Aunt's house this weekend. Some of my fondest childhood memories are playing "hide the matzo" with my siblings at my Aunt's house.

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I'm so happy to be in a place where I feel like change can be good. The fear and pain will always be there but I'm choosing not to let it control me anymore. I deserve so much better than that.

Thank you so much for reading this and I truly hope you choose to stick around. :)

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Re-branding?

Hey guys! It's been a little bit since I've blogged and I've gotten the itch. Lately I've been observing other bloggers and YouTuber's and how they brand themselves. Now, I don't really have any goals set yet for what I'd like my blog to grow into but if I choose to let it grow, maybe re-branding wouldn't be such a bad idea.

When I first started this blog it was to help me connect to other military spouses and it has been so wonderful for that! What I have noticed though is that with my disability, my mind is no longer where it was when I first started. I don't lead a very adventurous life and I don't really see people sticking around to hear about my day to day. What I do really like to talk about is sharing my story of living with chronic pain to maybe help others who may feel as alone as I do sometimes. I also love vintage fashion, makeup, skincare and dogs! I do a lot of research on things that work for me so why not share that advice with others.

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If I can stick with it and stay consistent I feel like my voice could be heard and I'd be able to connect with so many more people that share the same interests as I do.

With all that said, I'm going to take the steps to re-brand my little corner of the web. I'll be doing more research on changing the domain which may lead to me starting fresh with a brand new blog. I'll keep you all posted here and on social media. I'm playing around with the new blog name, Kimberly Erin. I like how it sounds together and its 100% me. I'd love to know what you all think and if you have any suggestions before I go public.

Hope you're having a great week!

Roller Coasters

Being a grown up is hard. Decision making is the worst, especially when it's about your health. How do we ever know if we're making the right decision? This post is going to be cryptic but I need to get this out.

I'm thinking about it like this: it could be worse. I mean life can always be worse. So with this decision being made I could FINALLY be on the road to getting better. Or it could just delay things for a lot longer than I hoped. Man, if only I could see into the future. I have made my decision, but I'm scared to say it out loud. It's 10:30pm on a Wednesday night and I'm racking my brain over it. Textbook over-thinker right here! I'm going to make the call tomorrow and get the wheels turning. Once things are finalized, I plan on sharing my story here in hopes that I can help others who may find themselves in my position one day (hope not!).

I've consulted with the family and professionals and it looks like everyone is on the same page for the most part. I know life is a roller coaster and this ride has been bumpy! It'll be nice to get on the kiddie ride soon and not have to deal with so much of the scariness all at once. A break is much needed.

I don't know if this post will make sense. I just wanted to get on here and write. If you're reading this and believe in the universe or a higher power, I would love if you could put in a good word for me. Until next time loves! Hope you have a great week!

My Hiatus Explained

Did you miss me?! Lol. I haven't posted in quite some time and thought I would hop in and give a bit of an update.

After my accident in late February I went into a bit of a funk. The accident shook me up emotionally and it just made my anxiety with driving a lot worse. My husband and I went on a search for a new vehicle and once we found it, I didn't even drive it off the lot! Lol. Eventually I got more comfortable driving again and I really love all the fancy features of the car (hello sunroof!).

After the car issues, I've just been dealing with some health issues and trying to take each day as it comes. I did some traveling with family in April and May to Las Vegas and Arkansas. Traveling is hard with an injury, however I was able to communicate with airline staff a lot better this time than when I have traveled in the past. Before, I would have been too shy or embarrassed to ask for help but not this time and it was so worth it. For the most part I managed okay and my sister and mom were so accommodating when I had a visit with them. Being with your loved ones is so good for the soul. I'm very lucky.

My sister and I in windy Vegas

Mom and I on our adventure in Arkansas meeting family

Here's a little example of the measures I take when traveling:

A portable heating pad saved me both with my stomach and back aches and pains. I rely on a plug in one at home multiple times a day so discovering this little gem was such a blessing! Just trying to live as normal of a life as I can with chronic pain.

A couple weeks ago I had my 30th birthday. My best friend of 19 years made it so special for me once again. We spent a few hours at the beach during the day and enjoyed a quiet dinner with our gentlemen that night. It was a no fuss kind of day and just what I needed.

These milestone birthdays can sometimes be a bit daunting for some, at least for me this one was. Did I ever think I would be living this life when I turned 30? Absolutely not. It's just one of life's gentle reminders that things don't always go as planned. Every year I always hope that this will be my year of recovery. That living with chronic pain will be part of my past and my husband and I can finally start a family. Sadly, I know this year will be just another year in the books of my living with chronic pain journey. Like I said before, times are tough right now and this planner and worrier is doing the best I can to take each day as it comes.

I miss blogging and I miss sharing things here but life is complicated and I can't know for sure when my next post will be.  Hope you'll stick around. Looking forward to getting back to reading as well, to see what my favorite bloggers have been up to.

Accidents Happen

I'm so happy you all liked my dress! It was such a good night. On a more somber note my week did not start off well.

Yesterday I was in a car accident. Thankfully the other driver and I are fine but man is my car in bad shape. I was pretty startled and it took a while for me to calm down. I kept thinking "Why me?" but a nice talk with Wan and my mom calmed me down a bit and I realized that I'm okay and accidents happen.

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The next few weeks are going to be a bit stressful while my car is being tended to but it's nothing I know I can't handle. I'm going to deal with it the best way I know how and keep moving forward. Living in Los Angeles is hard sometimes. Although I live outside of the world you may see on TV or visit as a tourist it's still very urban here and everyone drives! I'm over it. So today while I'm dealing with estimates and claims, I'm going to think of better days ahead where I live in a peaceful place with no traffic.

I hope you have a great week! Send your good thoughts that I get through this week smoothly!

Thoughtful Thursday

This week has been flying by and I have so much on my mind. Here's a bullet point list of a lot of what's going through this crazy head of mine!

• Appointments! How did I book an appointment for everyday this week?! They are all health related and some I've been waiting on for a while. I sure am glad to be getting stuff done!

A little chronic pain funny :)
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•  The future. Is it bad to think a lot about the future? I can't help it. Sometimes I feel like life is so stagnant and I just drift off to a better time. A time I know is coming. I've been all about visualizing lately. If I think positively and surround my self with positivity then maybe something positive will happen! I'm still living the best life I can but I know there is so much more out there for me. :)

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•  Visiting my Mom. It's been almost three years since I've been to my Mom's house in Arkansas! I've seen her a lot since then but man I miss just being with her in her home. A big reason why it's been so long is because of the small town she lives in, it takes a couple planes to get there and man is it painful trying to manage all that! I do check flight prices daily though, hoping maybe a flight will be so cheap I'll just suck it up and go be with my mama. :)

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•  My amazing husband. I got so lucky with that guy. When he can, he drops everything for me and never complains! There are still a few things I can't do on my own and he is always there. I've been doing a lot of staring at him and thinking this lately. Good thing he's used to me being a weirdo! Lol.

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These are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my thoughts but it's nice to share some of them with you.

Hope you're having a great week!

Begin Again

Maybe it's the start of a new year that has given me this longing to write but for a good week I have not been able to stop thinking of my next blog post.

I often get overwhelmed with everything that can come with blogging. Will people want to read my content? Do I care if people read it? My blog isn't as pretty as others, does that matter? Is my email address not professional enough? It's almost as if I want to start from scratch just so I can apply all that I've learned to a new blog. A shiny, sparkly, clean slate.

I'm going to start doing some research and see where it takes me. If you have any advice on how you've stayed motivated to blog I would appreciate any help. There is so much I want for myself. Keeping up with my blog is a small goal but a goal none the less.

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Speaking of goals, this year holds a lot of promise. Not just for myself but for my little family. :)

• After a bit of a bump in the road with my looming surgery, I'm hoping 2015 will be my year to get treated and recover.
  
• My weight loss continues to go down and I'm determined to lose my last 20 pounds this year.
   
• My husband is working on his own personal goals this year and I'm looking forward to standing by his side as he accomplishes them. ;)

• I want to go back to school. Right out of high school I attended a state university for 2 1/2 years. It's time I go back and finish my degree. I feel I'm finally in the right mind set to make it happen. Here's hoping my university can accommodate my disability.

• Continue to focus more on myself and doing things that make me happy. Blogging, journal writing, traveling and seeing more of my dear friends. 

These are just a few of the goals I'm carrying into 2015. They're not necessarily new but I'm a list maker and writing them down sure does put things in perspective. I don't really have a plan as to when some of these things will get crossed off my list but I know I'm going to try, and that really is all I can do. :)

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I hope you have a great week!

Hey Guys!

Holy crap! I didn't realize it had been so long since I last updated the blog! Well I'm back to check in and share what I've been up to by way of the bullet point. Enjoy!

• We moved!  Lots of changes in our life prompted the move but it was mostly to be closer to my dad and brothers while I prepare for and recover from surgery.

• You read that right, I am in the process of choosing a world class surgeon for my surgery! I was sent the provider list a couple weeks ago and now I'm just waiting for my appointment. :)

• I've been trying to get out of an emotional rutt by being more social. Moving and getting ready for surgery has been really nerve racking and I just need to forget about it sometimes. My friends and husband really help me out when I need it! I went to a BBQ this past weekend and Wan and I went to the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library last week. All of which I hope I get around to recapping for you soon!

• I love to drive! Since my injury I can't drive any long distances with my back and leg pain but when I do get to drive my car I really love it. I've been able to drive myself to my doctors appointments now that I live closer and those few minutes of alone time in my car with the music turned up is the best!

• With surgery getting closer, I've started to plan some of the things that I want to do once my recovery is complete. The first one is Disneyland! Too cliche? Lol. No but really, my sister and I have been talking about it for quite some time and with her in Colorado she really misses it. I live about 1 1/2 hours north of Disneyland and have not been since my high school grad night! I can't wait. Hoping and praying my surgery comes quick and I recover well without living in pain everyday. "I can't wait" is an understatement!

And that is all she wrote! For now. I'll try to work on some recap posts this week so I can capture all the wonderful things I've been up to this summer.

I hope you have a great day!

Hey there!

I've been thinking about coming back to the blog for a while now. I just feel so behind. I haven't been feeling very well and reading my favorite blogs hit the back burner. Do you ever feel so behind it seems overwhelming just thinking about catching up? Yea, that's where I'm at.

Anyways, I thought I would start by catching you up on what I've been up to since my time off from "blogland". Warning: It's pretty picture heavy! :)

At the end of April, a friend of mine who attends a make-up design school, asked me to be her model for a 1940s/50s photo shoot for her portfolio. I was honored and a little nervous! I've never done anything like this before but I'm so glad I did. It was so much fun! I felt so beautiful that day!

This was the first look. A very glamorous 1950s housewife.

The second look was a glammed up Rosie the Riveter.

I still haven't received the pictures from the shoot back yet, but when I do I'll be sure to share them here!

In May my husband was honored with being chosen as the Best Representative for Judo by his Judo Club.  Martial Arts has always been something my husband is very passionate about and he  dedicates all of his free time to not only learning but also teaching. It was an honor for me to attend the award ceremony with him that was for all the clubs in the Southern California area.

The end of May into early June I started to embrace change a little more and get ready for my birthday. I make a big deal out of my birthday because my Mom always made me feel like it's supposed to be your special day. No other day in the year is just about you.

So as I started to think more and more about my birthday the only thing I wanted to do is look good! Haha! I've lost 43lbs and I may not always know how to feel about my new body but on my birthday at least I know I'll look good!

I started by a haircut and coloring my hair back to red. I had it red for so many years and decided that it's time to go back. I love it!

I also bought my first pair of shorts in well over 10 years! They're not short shorts but they're perfect for me and where I'm at with my body image. :)

The week of my birthday finally rolled around and my best friend decided to have a dinner at her house for me the night before. What I didn't know was that she had invited some of our closest friends to surprise me! It was amazing and I cried! Haha. Here are some tidbits from that night. Comment below if you'd like to follow me on instagram for more. :)

It was an amazing night and I felt so incredibly blessed to have so much love in my life.


The next day on my actual birthday, I enjoyed a lovely lunch with my Dad and brothers and a great dinner with my husband and close friends.

The following day was my final birthday celebration with my family. My Dad likes to cook and entertain so he offered to have a get together at his house. He's the best. :)

My Aunt brought the most delicious birthday cake!

My Uncle who is 78 years old gifted me his mothers graduation pin from 1924. As he was telling me the story of the pin he began to cry and then I started to cry! My Aunt (Dad's sister) and Uncle never had children. As my Uncle is getting older he is starting to gift a lot of his things to close family and friends. I am so honored he chose me for such a sentimental gift. I will post pictures of it soon!

It's been a great couple of months. I'm trying to live a little more and not let my disability limit me too much from doing things I enjoy. The cherry on top of all of this is of course:

My favorite hockey team, the Los Angeles Kings, won the Stanley Cup!

It was a tough season but they got through it and came out on top. I'm so proud to be born and raised in a city that has such an amazing team. I'm hoping I can get out to meet some of the players and of course the Stanley Cup sometime this summer. :)

Hope you enjoyed catching up with me! I'll try not to leave so much time between posts next time but no promises. I would also love to catch up with all of my favorite blog friends. Be prepared for lots of comments from me!

Hope you're having a great week!

Motivational Monday | Picking Up the Pieces

In my last post I mentioned how overwhelmed I've been feeling. Although retail therapy is a great release of stress, it's also just temporary.  When I'm feeling like everything is falling apart I try to remember all the coping mechanisms I have stored away to help me get through it. Sometimes they help, and sometimes they don't.

I know that hiding under a rock or sleeping the day away is not going to fix my problems. Addressing them and moving forward is what needs to be done. I got horrible new last week regarding my disability issues and it could mean there will be a lot of changes coming my way. Change is hard, especially when it's not welcome. After taking a few days to hide from my  problems, I finally tackled what needed to be done. Thank goodness for my Mom, she can be really tough on me when I need it.

I know that whatever happens I'm going to be okay. Things may not be going the way I planned them to be but I'm going to learn from this experience and move forward. It's time to pick up the pieces and not give up.

I've lost enough weight for surgery and have already had an MRI to assess how my injury is looking. Now it's time to wait some more and pray for good news. Living life with chronic pain is really hard but I need to keep living. It's going to get better. :)

 

I hope you have a great week!

It's Okay

I've taken yet another blogging break and I'm totally okay with that. I realized that I'm not an everyday blogger right now. Life is moving right along and I don't have much to talk about these days.

Learning to let things go and be okay with certain things has always been a struggle for me. This journey I'm on with dealing with an injury and waiting for surgery is hard. Maintaining everything is hard. I'm learning to be okay with the fact that things aren't always going to go the way I want them to and I need to keep moving forward.

Last week sucked. I had my weekly weigh-in with Jenny Craig and I gained! I was heartbroken. So many questions and so much disappointment. I cried off and on all day. The stress and pressure to lose weight for surgery finally broke me. I'd like to say I'm losing weight to get healthy and fit and although that is a plus it's not why I'm losing the weight. I'm doing this to qualify for surgery and finally be pain free.

After a lot of thinking I finally realized that it's okay that I had a gain. It's all part of life right? There are going to be ups and downs with everything. I need to just keep moving forward and go with the flow. It'll all work out. I know it.

This weeks weigh-in was a little different than my past ones. Although I wanted a loss, I knew that I'd be okay with whatever I got. I have worked so hard these past few months. It's time to stop second guessing myself.

I ended up losing the most weight I have since I started the program and made up for last weeks gain. :)

I'm not sure why I gained or if it even matters at this point. Staying consistent is going to be my main focus. The pounds will come off on their own. Consistency will be my biggest focus.


I can do it.

My thoughts are kind of all over the place right now so this post may not make the most sense but putting them down on "paper" is such a benefit to me. I can't wait to look back and see how far I've come.

Hope you're having a great week!

Wordless Wednesday | Rediscovering

Over the last two years dealing with my back injury I put on a good deal of weight. All my clothes eventually ended up in storage and sadly, yoga pants and oversized shirts became the norm.

 

With my recent weight loss I've pulled some clothes out of storage and I'm having so much fun shopping in my own closet!

 

My favorite band shirt and comfy skinny jeans made a come back!

I paired an Old Navy cardigan and Lane Bryant boots with some old staples I'm so happy to be wearing again.

 

Hope you have a great Wednesday!

Motivational Monday: Bossy Pants

Many nights I lay in bed thinking. Sometimes the pain won't let me sleep and I start thinking about everything I had done that day and mostly what I have to do the next day. I'm a worrier. I worry about everything. But last night was different, last night I started thinking about my blog and all the great ideas I had for posts. One thing that I couldn't get my mind off of was a picture I saw on Facebook the other day:

 

I was that little girl being told she was bossy all the time. My Mom said I get that quality from her. I'm a planner, a doer and I really like things to be done a certain way. When I started working in high school and even into my first job as an adult this idea of me being bossy was one of my biggest insecurities. I would go out of my way to make sure I wasn't being bossy. It was hard and probably deterred my growth in the companies.

 

When I was 19 I was working in a retail store and because of the quick turn around with employees I ended up becoming the Senior Sales Associate. What that meant was that all the new employees were encouraged to come to me for training and help. I had never led any training before so I just showed them what I knew. In no way was I trying to be bossy. I was just doing my job. This eventually led to a talk with the Assistant Manager that the girls were complaining about how bossy I was. I couldn't believe it. This further deepened my insecurity.

My job at the Museum is one of the best jobs I have ever had. I had never worked somewhere where growth and the sharing of ideas was so encouraged. Most of the heads of the divisions and the departments are women. They're bossy women too. I began to think how this idea of being bossy wasn't such a bad thing. I've always been a leader and loved that quality about myself. I never realized that being passionate, ambitious and often times pretty OCD made me who I am. If those qualities make me bossy then I'll go ahead and let people call me that. No more insecurities. I'm proud of what I have accomplished for myself. Mrs. Bossy Pants at your service. ;)

 

Hope you have a great week!

 

Better Together

On Thursday, my husband and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. We took a little extra time with each other and tried not to let the little moments pass. Sometimes life can get so busy and in my case painful that I can easily forget to give my husband some attention. It was a gentle reminder that we need to stop every once in a while and just be together.

It was such a perfect night. We headed out to our favorite Sushi restaurant in the rain! As you know, we live in Southern California. It has been dry, windy and hot for most of the month. I'm sure those on the east coast have no sympathy but this drought is rough! I was so happy to see the rain!

Colors shone with exceptional clarity in the rain. The ground was a deep black, the pine branches a brilliant green, the people wrapped in yellow looking like special spirits that were allowed to wander over the earth on rainy mornings only
 • Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

We enjoyed our favorite meal while talking and laughing. It was a perfect night. An escape from all the distractions.

So happy I get to spend the rest of my life with this guy <3

Three Amazing Years

Today marks 3 years to the day that I married my best friend!  

 

1.30.11 <3

We have been through so much these past few years and

I'm so happy we are getting through this life together.

 

 

"It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together"

-Jack Johnson "Better Together"


Wordless Wednesday

Happy Wednesday!

 

Here's a little bit of what I've been up to. :)

 

Brought in the New Year feeling great!

Declared 2014 the "Year of the Selfie" ;)

Lots of driving around with this cutie <3

More "Selfies"

Reuniting with my college roomie after 8 years!

 

Hope you have a great day!



Motivational Monday: My Journey...So Far

I'm back! Lol. I really am this time! I finally got a new computer and it's small enough for me to carry everywhere and be comfortable on the couch when my back is really sore. :)

I've been pretty busy lately! It's mostly due in part to getting a good handle on my depression. I've been able to cope better and losing weight has definitely boosted my confidence. That's right, this girl has lost 22lbs! Yay! I've been on Jenny Craig since September 24th and I've been loving it. It was really hard at first but like anything new, it takes some getting used to.

I plan on posting before and after pictures eventually, but I think I'll wait until I reach one of my goals.

 



Right now I'm keeping busy with trying to walk at least three times a week. Working through the pain is difficult but I'm getting through it. :) My Dad is finally getting a good hold of his health issues and my husband and I are taking turns with helping him get to his appointments and run errands. I never realized how hard it would be trying to take care of myself and my chronic pain while also trying to help my Dad deal with his issues. Tough stuff! It's all part of the journey I guess.

 

This has really been resonating with me lately. I am doing it.

I can finally say I see an end in site and with a few more pounds to lose I'm almost there! Once I reach my weight loss goal I'll be getting ready to meet with a surgeon. I've exhausted all my recovery options these past two years and I'm looking forward to finally feeling like something might work.

 

It feels so good to be back blogging and finally catching up with my dear friends in the blog world. I've missed you! Stay tuned for Wednesday's post!

 

Hope you have a great day!