Roller Coasters

Being a grown up is hard. Decision making is the worst, especially when it's about your health. How do we ever know if we're making the right decision? This post is going to be cryptic but I need to get this out.

I'm thinking about it like this: it could be worse. I mean life can always be worse. So with this decision being made I could FINALLY be on the road to getting better. Or it could just delay things for a lot longer than I hoped. Man, if only I could see into the future. I have made my decision, but I'm scared to say it out loud. It's 10:30pm on a Wednesday night and I'm racking my brain over it. Textbook over-thinker right here! I'm going to make the call tomorrow and get the wheels turning. Once things are finalized, I plan on sharing my story here in hopes that I can help others who may find themselves in my position one day (hope not!).

I've consulted with the family and professionals and it looks like everyone is on the same page for the most part. I know life is a roller coaster and this ride has been bumpy! It'll be nice to get on the kiddie ride soon and not have to deal with so much of the scariness all at once. A break is much needed.

I don't know if this post will make sense. I just wanted to get on here and write. If you're reading this and believe in the universe or a higher power, I would love if you could put in a good word for me. Until next time loves! Hope you have a great week!

Motivational Monday | Picking Up the Pieces

In my last post I mentioned how overwhelmed I've been feeling. Although retail therapy is a great release of stress, it's also just temporary.  When I'm feeling like everything is falling apart I try to remember all the coping mechanisms I have stored away to help me get through it. Sometimes they help, and sometimes they don't.

I know that hiding under a rock or sleeping the day away is not going to fix my problems. Addressing them and moving forward is what needs to be done. I got horrible new last week regarding my disability issues and it could mean there will be a lot of changes coming my way. Change is hard, especially when it's not welcome. After taking a few days to hide from my  problems, I finally tackled what needed to be done. Thank goodness for my Mom, she can be really tough on me when I need it.

I know that whatever happens I'm going to be okay. Things may not be going the way I planned them to be but I'm going to learn from this experience and move forward. It's time to pick up the pieces and not give up.

I've lost enough weight for surgery and have already had an MRI to assess how my injury is looking. Now it's time to wait some more and pray for good news. Living life with chronic pain is really hard but I need to keep living. It's going to get better. :)

 

I hope you have a great week!

My Journal

Through this journey I've been on with my injury, I've met some amazing people that are working to get me better and reach my goal of fully recovering. One of those people is my therapist, Estrid. I've been seeing her for a year now and I am so happy at the progress I've made. Suffering from chronic pain comes with many down sides. I'd say one of the biggest ones is depression. I never thought I was a depressed person. I was in denial for a very long time about my emotions. I never addressed how I was feeling usually. I got so good at just pushing things deep down and hiding them away that when I was given the diagnoses of severe depression, I couldn't believe it.

Now that I've accepted it, Estrid has been working with me to establish coping mechanisms to help me deal with the hard stuff. One of the issues I face with my depression is feeling lonely and unsupported. Don't get me wrong, my husband and my family are amazingly supportive. Unfortunately, there is only so much they can do for me. These feelings of loneliness and sadness often surface the most at night when my pain may be more prominent and I wake up at 3AM. Rocky, my pup, is even sleeping that late and doesn't want to be bothered (he's an amazing dog and gives me so much comfort) :).

So with all that said, Estrid and I began talking about things that make me feel less lonely at those really tough times. One thing I mentioned to her is prayer. I've never considered myself a very religious person. My Dad is Jewish and my Mom was raised Christian and I got kind of stuck in between. We celebrated Passover in the spring and Christmas in the winter and it worked for our family. As an adult I can see why it can be confusing but as a child I loved all the times I got to spend with family. It wasn't about religion for me. One thing that has stayed constant is my belief in God. That has never wavered and I feel like I could not get through this trying time in my life without Him. Whenever I pray, especially on those really rough nights, I feel so much better. God is not too busy for me, He is always listening and always there. From there, she recommended that I keep a prayer journal.

Source

I've written in a journal in the past but never for therapy, never for prayer. This is something new to me and I am so excited to see the benefits that will come from this. There have been studies done that show that writing has an improved affect on ones well being. I hope this is what gets me through those hard times and I know I will continue it even once I'm passed all this. I know I am going to get through this and I know that God will be there for me every step of the way.

Do you keep a journal? Has it helped you get through a hard time in your life? I'd love to hear from you! :)