Missing

Now that the holiday season is in full swing I can't help but feel like somethings missing, or rather someone. My mom is truly my best friend. She is always there when I need her and even thousands of miles away she seems to always make me feel better.

Last year my mom made a choice to move back to her hometown in Arkansas to be with her high school sweetheart. At first I did not support her decision. How could she just leave her kids like that? We still need her! It took some time for me to calm down and realize that she was doing something for herself for the first time in a long time. I needed to support her.

This was the second time without my mom here for Thanksgiving in my whole life. It still has not quite sunk in that she's really not here. She's thousands of miles away in a different time zone. But, she's with her now husband, on a beautiful land with chickens and fishing everyday. She's living the retired life with her love and I can't help but smile. She's happy.

Some days I miss her being here so much it hurts. I miss her hugs and our shopping days. I miss her coming over to my house and re-organizing everything! I miss how she smells. I know to some of my readers this may all seem childish. But when it comes to my Mama, I'm okay with being a 27 year old baby. I deal with pain everyday, some days are better than others but the days where I can't get out of bed are the days I just wish she was here to take care of me.

Last year while my husband was gone training. I spent almost every weekend with my mom. She helped me move twice, held my hand when I had to deal with the "day before" of my first colonoscopy, took me to all my hospital visits, and was there for me when my husband couldn't be there on my birthday or those days that I missed him so much I couldn't function. She was there. Always.

I know that she's still here. Just not physically here. Sometimes that physical time with a person means so much more. One thing to look forward to is having her here around Christmas time. She's still not sure if she can be here Christmas Day, but just having her here means the world to me.

This is all part of growing up I guess. People move away and go in different directions. One thing I'm hoping for in the next year or so is that wherever my husband and I end up living, that it's close to my Mom. She loves to drive and travel and I know the closer we are the more I'll be able to see her. Crossing my fingers and praying that it all comes together.

For now I'll just be counting down the days until I see her again. Waiting for the day to get a hug from my Mama. <3